Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
