it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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