I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i drank out of a bidet.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
