Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
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it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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