our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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