mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
