Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
