We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
