I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize