He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
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Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.