mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.