for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Bring me that man meat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night