fuck your aforementioned shoe
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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