just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want nice things and good sex
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
