I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
