Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
