My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
