Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
