Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
