I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
