Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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