I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
