grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The Olympian is in my bed
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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