if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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