Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
