her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
