Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Damn victory sex feels great
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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