Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
