I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
