My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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