sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
