i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
