Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
