So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
