you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize