dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You ate ashes out of my bong
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
