I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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