Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
