once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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