Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
