Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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