I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
