I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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