she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
