dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
