She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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