so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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