Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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