This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you win again, gameday.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize