I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
