it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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