in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
