Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
