Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
