i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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