After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
