I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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