remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
