he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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