Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
