Your face is a jimmy john
I hate all girls vehemently.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
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He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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