Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
