just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
