Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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