Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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