so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
