She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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