a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
