I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
