i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
