there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Where are you guys?
Drunk
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
